Day Fun Factoid
It is almost time
once again to pay our annual respects to the most mysterious,
miraculous, and omnipotent of creatures, the mother - and I'm not
just saying that because she might someday read this. Mother's are
truly the magical glue that hold the modern family together, so we
decided to pay a special tribute to mom's everywhere by presenting
these little known facts about motherhood.
Your mom has
been proven to be best mom in the whole world, except for her
Everyone has a
mother. Your mother had a mother, and your mother's mother had
a mother. It stands to reason that if you went back far enough
you would eventually arrive at the first mother, but this has
not yet been established by science. Some subscribe to the
theory of Infinite Motherhood, while others believe that there
is one infinite mother who is the mother of all mothers.
been worshipped at least since ancient Greece, where fertility
was ensured during a spring time sacrifice of virgins to Rhea,
mother of the gods. This practice was abandoned shortly
afterward when it occurred to them that sacrificing perfectly
fertile virgins was a tremendously stupid way to celebrate
celebration of Mother's Day began when several mothers in West
Virginia got really pissed off because no one else in the
family was helping with the housework, and decided to give
them a taste of their own medicine. The event is recorded in
the history books as The Great Festering Stench of 1908,
during which the entire State went uncleansed for three and a
half weeks until the mothers were finally appeased with
flowers and desperate pleas written in greeting cards.
that if it weren't for mothers, approximately 92 percent of us
would freeze to death outside without a jacket on before we
reached 18 years of age.
the Great Pyramids clearly indicate that motherhood has been
known to be most enjoyable after the kids are in bed since
mothers sometimes balance their eggs on the tips of their
beaks to protect them from the frozen ground.
There are good
reasons to believe that without mothers the majority us would
be severely malnourished from growing up on a diet of taco
chips and beer. Although bachelor's have been known to survive
for years on taco chips and beer, experts have confirmed that
such a limited diet can be particularly harmful in a child's
lines, only mothers seem to truly understand that snowballs
are actually a food group.
When your mom
says, "Your room is a mess," this is not merely an
observation. It means, "Clean up your room."
clearly show that without mothers, most laundry, particularly
men's, would not get washed until it smelled worse than a egg
salad sandwich that had been sitting in the sun for five days.
When a woman
becomes a mother, she no longer needs an alarm clock. It also
increases her ability to walk on a sticky floor without
cleaning it up.
their own special kind of logic which conclusively and
immediately resolves all arguments in their favor. The typical
deployment of this logic involves the words, "Because I